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Thursday, December 23, 2010

Superbruce

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Super%20Bruce
1. Super Bruce
To Super Bruce something is to have a job at a low paying store and work as hard as you possibly can, so hard that your co-workers believe you do cocaine before work to get extra wired. If you are Super Brucing something you cannot take a break till the job is done, and you have to work as hard as physically possible.

Shawn:I Sure Super Bruced that Coke to the shelf Eh?

Brandon: Yeah that was real fast


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Cost of Voting

Maybe Steve Jobs should run for President. He could run on the free-iPhones-for-all platform.

Most at NYU say their vote has a price

By: Lily Quateman - Washington Square News
Nov 14, 2007 06:23 PM EST

Two-thirds say they'll do it for a year's tuition. And for a few, even an iPod touch will do.

That's what NYU students said they'd take in exchange for their right to vote in the next presidential election, a recent survey by an NYU journalism class found.

Only 20 percent said they'd exchange their vote for an iPod touch.

But 66 percent said they'd forfeit their vote for a free ride to NYU. And half said they'd give up the right to vote forever for $1 million.

But they also overwhelmingly lauded the importance of voting.

Ninety percent of the students who said they'd give up their vote for the money also said they consider voting "very important" or "somewhat important"; only 10 percent said it was "not important."

Also, 70.5 percent said they believe that one vote can make a difference — including 70 percent of the students who said they'd give up their vote for free tuition.

The class — "Foundations of Journalism," taught by journalism department chairwoman Brooke Kroeger — polled more than 3,000 undergraduates between Oct. 24 and 26 to assess student attitudes toward voting.

"The part that I find amazing is that so many folks think one vote can make a difference,"  Sociology Department Chairman Dalton Conley said. He added, "If we take them at their word, then perhaps they really think votes matter, and that's why someone might pay a year's tuition to buy theirs."

Sixty percent of the students who said they'd give up their vote for tuition also described their families' income as upper-middle or high.

Their reasons for giving up their votes varied.

"At the moment, no candidate who truly represents my political beliefs has a chance of winning a presidential election," one male junior studying film and television at the Tisch School of the Arts wrote on the survey.

"It is very easy to convince myself that my vote is not essential," wrote a female CAS sophomore. "After all, I'm from New York, which will always be a blue state."

Other students wrote that they were disgusted by the thought.

"I would be reversing history — a lot of people fought so that every citizen could be enfranchised," said a female in her second year at the Stern School of Business.

One CAS junior went even further, writing that "anyone who'd sell his lifelong right to vote should be deported."

Lily Quateman reports for New York University's Washington Square News. Washington Square News is partnering with Campus Politico for the 2008 elections.




Friday, October 26, 2007

Time for a New Post

So, um, I recently started dating someone. We decided to keep it low key by announcing it to 139 of our closest friends on Facebook.

This xanga post is for the five people who aren't on Facebook, but who still read this xanga. To those people: I'm, um, dating someone now. And get on Facebook so I can throw some sheep at you.

This xanga post is also my shameless method of climbing out of the "These People Nearly Never Update" group on jack.html. I've had writer's block going on two months now.

Maybe I'll be inspired to write funny stories about Boy. This will dismay him, I'm sure of it. 


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

From valleywag.

If everything were sold like iPods

Kitchen appliances:

"This microwave looks great. Does it have a popcorn setting?"
"A popcorn subscription, yes."
"Sorry?"
"There is a popcorn setting, but it's only good with this list of popcorn manufacturers. We were at least able to get Pop Secret and Orville Redenbacher to agree on a 99-cent price point for each use."
"Erm. How about this model? Is popcorn free on this?"
"Yes, but you can only use it three times."
"Oh."
"There is, however, a bonus: You can play five pre-loaded microwave games."
"On this little screen?"
"One of the games is 'Guess what I'm cooking.'"

McDonald's:
"Hi, can I have a Big Mac?"
"Great, that'll be $2.99."
"Can I get bacon on that?"
"You can have our bacon cheeseburger with no lettuce."
"But...but I want both."
"I'm sorry, we don't have that model; it's too much clutter. What color would you like your Big Mac?"
"Wha...what color? Look, I'll just get the bacon cheeseburger."
"Ohhhh, I'm sorry, we just discontinued it and replaced it with a tofu burger. And the Junior Bacon Cheeseburger is now a chicken nugget."
"But I liked the old one."
"Sorry. On the upside, the Big Mac is now $1.69."
"It was $2.99 one minute ago."
"We changed them. One minute ago was the wrong time to buy a Big Mac. Now would you like some fries or would you rather wait a week until we have onion rings?"

Furniture:
"How much is that leather couch?"
"Six hundred dollars for sitting."
"Ha, I'll probably just end up napping on it."
"Eight hundred for napping, actually. And another six hundred if you still plan to sit as well."
"How can you charge two different prices? It's my couch."
"It's technically our couch, and you're buying the rights. By touching it you agree to these terms."
"Okay, $1400 and everyone can sit and nap."
"Up to four people."
"I think I could fit five."
"Five would be piracy."

Books:
"Welcome to Borders, I can check you out. Ah, Paradise Lost. Excellent book."
"I love it, read it five times, but I can't bear to let it out of the house, so I'm getting another copy to lend to friends."
"I'm afraid that's impossible."
"Oh no, they'll be happy to borrow it."
"I mean this book can't leave your house."
"I'm afraid you don't follow. This is my spare copy to lend out."
"I follow, it's just that Penguin books have a lock on them. This book can't leave the house you first take it to. Of course your friends could come over and read it with you. And isn't that better after all? You're already close together and sharing the experience."
"All right, I'll just buy another edition that I can lend to friends."
"There's this one."
"Oh my god, it literally looks like s**t!"
"It's selling like it too."



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